Today's article was inspired by my latest trip to Las Vegas and by
many of my clients who have been traveling lately. I coach couples to be
sure they discuss all the details with each other before they leave for
their destination. I teach them how to communicate to each other so
each listens with an open ear and open heart, avoiding upsetting or
hurting each other. Many couples I see do not know how to communicate
their wants and needs in an effective way. I help them to master this
and to be a successful traveling couple as well. Here are just a few
suggestions to begin that process:
1.
Get to know each other's basic needs. First you have to know what you
personally need to be able to tell your partner this. I know from years
of traveling by myself that I need a 1/2 hr to an hour nap each
afternoon around 2:00 or 3:00 pm if I am going to last all night. I also
know I need to eat every 2 to 3 hours (I have really low blood sugar).
My sweetheart knows this about me because I have told him (and he has
experienced me when I haven't taken care of myself, and that's not too
pretty!). It is also my responsibility to take care of my own needs, so I
bring water and snacks with me wherever I go, and communicate when I am
getting close to crashing. I have found when I don't take care of
myself I get irritable and less patient (this can be the beginning of
disaster).
2. Sit down together each day to plan and discuss the
next day, at least the night before - to assure each person knows the
activities, itinerary, departure times etc. This is a good opportunity
to honestly discuss what you may like to do and not like to do, a time
to decide on an earlier or later time depending on how you are both
feeling. Planning and discussing the details helps you avoid upsets
later. Also make sure each person makes commitments on time so that
there are no upsets later. Synchronize your watches.
3.
Continually check-in with each other throughout the day. Be aware of
each others body language; if you see your partner avoiding eye contact
or not wanting to talk or connect with you, you may want to ask her/him
what she/he may be feeling or thinking. Catching upsets early and
discussing them helps avoid big upsets later. I teach my clients
specific communication techniques to make this process more successful.
4.
Communicate openly and honestly. Be careful to tell each other all the
details. This past trip to Vegas my sweetheart and I got into a bit of
an upset. He underestimated how far it was to walk to The Bellagio from
NY NY. It wouldn't have been a problem if it was daytime and I was in
shorts and tennis shoes, but I was in long white pants and 4 inch heals
(he said it was a block.) It turned out in my estimation to be about
10-15 blocks. First I was upset because my feet hurt. Second I was upset
because he mistakenly did not tell me the whole truth. Third I was
upset because he reacted to me like it was not OK that I was
complaining. Fourth because he did not immediately apologize for
misrepresenting the truth and for my feet hurting (he did apologize to
my satisfaction later after much discussion of my upset and needs).
5.
Learn from your mistakes while traveling and each take responsibility
for your part so you can mature and grow. Use each mis-take, upset and
or discussion as an opportunity to know yourself and your partner
better. I coach people each day to become more aware of their own
behavior and reactions so they can learn and grow. Traveling brings out
the best and sometimes the worst in us due to situations we sometimes
cannot control or prepare for. Every time I travel with my partner I
learn something new about him and a lot more about myself. Use this
opportunity to explore your intimacy and commitment from a different
perspective and depth.
During your travels you can follow the
simple tips outlined above for instant results. If you need additional
more advanced support and help please contact me for some coaching
sessions (310) 202-1610. I would be happy to assist you.
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